Shively Words of Wisdom

Disclaimer: read at your own risk. My dad's humor is an acquired taste and is most defiantly not suitable for young children and could potentially be so sassy it might offend some. You have been warned.
As much as I roll my eyes at what he says, he really can be funny sometimes and while he was here, he just kept coming up with these couple line zingers that were kind of stupid but really were humorous. I mean he does this normally at home, and I've taken to tweeting these one liners which makes my twitter pretty funny. But while he was on his European adventure he decided these should be titled "Shively Words of Wisdom" (which is more appropriate than #Shitmydadsays which is what the Twitter trend is for silly things you dad says the you Tweet.)
Well, a couple of these golden nuggets of my fathers wisdom made it to Facebook and now my whole church knows that these are a thing and they want to know what else he said. Since I was the one keeping track of them (for my Twitter) I've been asked to share them. Well here they are. For your enjoyment folks: Shively's Words of Wisdom. Chapter Italy.

(Me and my dad in Venice)

1) Dad: I'm going to start what I call Shively Words of Wisdom. Its going to be like Mr. Handeland's life rules. But better.
2) Italy isn't meant for fat people. But I'll say big people so I'm politically correct.
3)Me: I’ve been keeping things like business cards and train tickets in my journal. I want to put wine labels in there too but I always rip them

Dad. The proper way to get labels off a bottle is to soak them. Here. I’ll show you.

4)On the topic of bidets: They just need to wash their essentials. They don’t take showers you know.

5)Me: Dad. I have friends who want to be friends with you.

Dad: I don’t do facebook.

Me: Dad. They just want to get a beer with you and be bros.

Dad: Well if they want to buy me a beer, I’m down.

6)Just so you know, I’m formulating words of wisdom for buses and mopeheads. Just so you know

7) Electrical codes in Europe? Non existent.

8)Only in Venice is a doorway a street.

9)A pile of plat forms in Venice is not for an up coming concert.

10) Me: Man. These heated towel racks should be a thing in the states. Can you imagine if the swim team had them in the winter? Warm towels? Warm socks…

Dad: You took my “heated towel racks are a good idea” for Shively words of wisdom.

Me:  Just kidding, you can have it. The boys swim team would literally never leave the locker room if we gave them those…

11)Dad: Hey Laura did you know you turn pink when you drink wine.

Me: Yes. I know.

Dad: And Lemoncello turns you’re red.

Me: Yes. I know. Thanks Dad.

12)Dad: you’re just going to rip the label.

Me: Challenge accepted.

Good news guys. Cold bottles of water condensate enough to pull the label off with out ripping it.

13) Dad: Laura, you probably just don’t get along with tall people.

Me: Dad. Everyone is taller than me.

Dad: give me a look

14) Me: I figure while I’m here I’ll just keep my bottle opener in my purse.

Dad: Your talking to people who have one in the glove compartments of their cars.

Me: I mean until I go through airport security, It will be a permanent accessory of mine.

Dad: You were raised right.

15) Ah, Nudity, I like Nudity.

16)Stop signs. Those are optional here in Italy

17) Dad: I had to take my perverted shot of David with the sun lighting up his crotch.

Me: Of course you did.

Dad: Laura, this is why your boys want to be my friends. I'm funny.

Me: yea. This is guy humor

(Dad's shot of the David)

18) Dad: Laura did you see that girl winking at the Pizza guy? She got her Pizza's pushed forward and made before ours. You need to wink at the Pizza guy next time.

Me: Okay. I'll make sure I flirt with them more so you can get you're pizza faster.

Dad: Good. I like pizza.